Hey Love, bring on your sunny glow…
Have we not all struggled with the concept of forgiveness, often believing it to be more beneficial for others? Haven’t we been consumed by anger and confusion regarding this elusive notion? What, then, is forgiveness? It remains one of the most challenging topics to broach, particularly with individuals entrenched in grief and profound hurt.
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In life, at some point, we all find ourselves on either side of the spectrum: to forgive or to be forgiven. Regardless of the situation, forgiveness remains a painful process for both parties, often requiring deep emotional work and a shift in perspective. Yet, it is through this challenging journey that we can find healing and peace.
What is Forgiveness?
While forgiveness holds significance in psychotherapy and counseling, its definition varies widely. Through my research, I have chosen to adopt the definition provided by the American Psychological Association (APA). “Forgiveness is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry. Rather, it involves a voluntary transformation of your feelings, attitudes, and behavior, so that you are no longer dominated by resentment and can express compassion, generosity, or the like toward the person who wronged you.”
The Intent to Forgive
Before extending forgiveness, a person often experiences a range of intense emotions, including grief, anger, and resentment, as they struggle with their pain. To move towards forgiveness, they must find compelling reasons to do so, and eventually, they need to establish the intent to forgive. At first, it may just be a vague intention, a mere consideration of forgiveness. With time, this vague idea can grow into a deliberate and intentional act.
The intent to forgive is a deliberate decision to forgive someone who has wronged or hurt you. It involves an intentional mindset and an internal commitment to let go of resentment, anger, hatred, and the desire for revenge. This is a process-oriented decision, requiring time and effort to shift one’s emotions and perspective.
Some Key Aspects of Forgiveness:
It’s crucial to understand that forgiveness is not about making someone else feel better or erasing the wrongdoing. Rather, it’s a means to release the resentment that weighs them down, allowing them to move forward. I believe that once we grasp this understanding, it becomes a bit easier to let go and gradually move forward. While the journey may not be linear, once we embark on it, progress is inevitable. It’s all about building momentum and staying committed to the process.
Here’s how:
Understand that forgiveness is only possible when you are ready.
Be patient with yourself. You are doing this for you.
Learn to let go. Let go of resentment, anger, whatever emotions you are experiencing that are increasing your discomfort.
Move on, move forward in the healing journey.
Accept your progress, however small it may be. Every step takes you further.
Embrace the momentum. Every step contributes to your commitment toward this process.
The Challenges
It can be incredibly challenging when others express that forgiving hurts more than the original wrongdoing. Often, I’ve found myself at a loss for words, faced with individuals who struggle to manage their pain and consider forgiveness. While I may not fully share their experiences, I approach them with empathy and compassion, understanding their challenges. Yet, I recognize that we each walk different paths, wearing shoes that cannot be easily exchanged. This realization underscores the sensitivity of forgiveness, a topic that resonates deeply with many. Nonetheless, the unyielding strength of forgiveness is real.
We are merely discussing the process of forgiveness for those who, at a certain point in life, feel somewhat ready to start the journey. Nevertheless, we all navigate the journey of forgiveness because, as flawed beings, we recognize our imperfections.
Some contend that certain wrongs are beyond forgiveness, and I’ll leave it to you to draw your own conclusions. However, every situation is unique, and the circumstances vary greatly. Trained professionals are available to assist individuals based on their specific cases.
What Are Your Experiences?
What have your experiences with forgiveness been like? Have you been able to forgive someone who wronged you, even if they offered a disrespectful apology or repeated their actions? Do you find yourself holding onto resentment and anger instead? How does forgiveness manifest in your household and relationships—are you a champion of forgiveness, or do you find yourself taking on the role of the prosecutor? Do you believe in forgiveness?
Share your experiences, your comments, and your journey with us about forgiveness. We would love to hear how you have navigated this complex and emotional process. Your stories and insights can inspire and support others who are on their own paths to forgiveness.
Final Thoughts
While Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.’ And who would argue with that? It is true! I am leaving you with, ‘Forgiveness is a messy stage, one that witnesses more darkness than light. The end may appear to be grandiose, but the process is tumultuous.’ – D. Ferjuste
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Forgiveness takes the offender off your hook and puts them on God’s hook. It’s a beautiful gift to yourself.
Hi Susan,
Indeed, forgiveness is a beautiful gift. Thanks for your feedback!
Forgiveness is absolutely the hardest thing in the world. Beautiful read, I’ll have to circle back when I’m ready 💞
Hi Gena,
I get it completely—sometimes forgiveness feels like climbing a mountain. Take all the time you need, and know you’re not alone on this journey. 💞 So glad this resonated with you!
I wrote a very similar blog post on my blog. I have to agree that forgiving someone is rather hard to do, but once it’s done fully it’s worth doing.
Hi,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I completely agree that forgiveness can be challenging, but the rewards are immense. It’s a process that requires time and effort, but once you truly forgive, it brings a sense of peace and liberation. It not only heals old wounds but also opens the door to healthier relationships and personal growth. I’m glad you resonated with my blog post, and I appreciate your insight!
Sometimes, to forgive ourselves can be much harder than to forgive others… thanks for sharing!
Hi Journey,
Yes, indeed… Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate it!